Wretched Filipino horror-comedy with a barely-alive John Carradine, terrible direction from (the sometimes reliable) Cirio H. Santiago and Vic Diaz, who was in every Philipino-filmed movie from the seventies. Drink heavilty before watching this, and don't say I didn't warn you.
American sailor friends Tom Buckley (Bruce Fairbairn) and Terry Wayne (Trey Wilson) are looking for excitement during a shore leave. After fleeing a disco full of transvestites and two would-be alley muggers, a smooth-talking cabbie (Leo Martinez) takes them to a cemetery where a beautiful prostitute called Cherish (Karen Stride) resides. Little do the sailors know that Cherish is a vampire who recently killed their superior officer. In the cemetery is a lavish crypt where head vampire Richmond Reed (John Carradine) drinks blood cocktails with Cherish and two other lovely bloodsuckers (Lenka Novak and Katie Dolan). The sailors are able to escape death when daylight approaches, but no one back at the military base believes their chance encounter with the undead. Tom later makes his way back to the crypt and gets the ultimate in satisfaction when the vampiric female trio decides to act human for one night and conduct an orgy with him as the star.
A cheap and crude horror comedy, VAMPIRE HOOKERS was directed by Cirio H. Santiago, the man who gave us endless exploitation action flicks and continues to work to this day. With its nonexistent plot, bad sight gags and relentless toilet humor, VAMPIRE HOOKERS can hardly sustain 78 minutes and is only watchable for those who appreciate enduring really bad movies, especially really bad movies with John Carradine, and we know how many of those exist. This is the umpteenth time the 72-year-old Carradine played a vampire (but during this period, relegated to films such as this one and the Disco nonsense of NOCTURNA), and here he’s garbed in a white suit, quoting poetry through his plastic fangs as his painfully arthritic hands are in full view. No Pilipino exploitation film is complete without Vic Diaz, so he’s on hand as Carradine’s idiotic, flabby sidekick Pava, frustrated that he’s not a vampire and constantly cutting loud farts (the fumes from them are so appalling, he has to breathe through a plastic tube when he sleeps). Bruce Fairbairn and Trey Wilson stumble around like some kind of fourth rate “Hope and Crosby”, and the orgy scene, showcasing all three beauties in various states of nakedness, is boring and badly edited. The blonde and buxom Lenka Novak (a onetime Playboy playmate) is great eye candy, but she deadpans some of worst jokes here (“I’m sick of these Bloody Marys”), none of which are any the bit funny. - dvddrive-in.com
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