England, 1913. This episode is a parody of Tom Brown's Schooldays. Tomkinson (Palin) is a new boy at Graybridge, a traditional English public school. He tells of the horrors of the school life: beating the headmaster (also Palin), fighting the grizzly bear, being nailed to the wall on St. Tadger’s Day, having to ask permission to breathe out after 10:30 PM, and Grayson (Ian Ogilvy), the school bully, who gets whatever he wants: alcohol, cigarettes and the company of an unmarried Filipina woman. The school bully addresses other pupils with endearing comments such as "you dismally untalented little creep" and "you spotty little oik".