The Science of Influence: How to Get Anyone to Say Yes in 8 Minutes or Less
The second one person sees another, a lot happens in the unconscious mind.The conscious results are often seemingly instantaneous. Do any of these thoughts sound familiar to you?
'It's a gut instinct. I don't like her. I can't put my finger on it.'
'There's just something about him that bugs me. I don’t know what it is, but I can always tell.'
'My intuition tells me that he's just not right.'
People think and feel these thoughts when they observe mixed signals from people they meet.There is an internal conflict between the nonverbal (we'll call it 'body language' from here on in) and the verbal signals a person receives. The sad part is that people really believe they have good instincts and that they should trust their intuition. Why sad? Because when there are mixed messages in communication the person tends to say 'no' because 'it' doesn't feel 'right.'
You see someone new: In the first four seconds of that encounter (or observation!) an incredible amount of processing happens in your brain at the unconscious level. You'll never know what went on. Would you like to have a clue as to what is going on in the threepound machine behind your eyes?
When you first meet someone, millions of neurons in the brain are activated.Your brain immediately wakes up. The brain instantly tries to categorize the person into a certain type. Who is she like? Is that good? Is she attractive? What's unique about her? What is familiar about her? All of this is done without thought and awareness. It's the way the brain works.
If you had to consciously analyze everything about everyone new you met, you would be so busy at the conscious level that you'd have absolutely no time to think about anything but how they look. Instead, the unconscious mind immediately goes to work, makes all kinds of judgments and evaluations, and essentially pegs the person as a winner or loser in approximately four seconds.
Sometimes all of this happens in less than four seconds and sometimes it takes a little more time, but in those first moments after one person meets another there is an intensely powerful 'yes' or 'no' response. This response is about the person. It has nothing to do with their religion, their political party, or their product or service. It's just 'yes' or 'no.'
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