Cinematic Titanic - Episode #5 - Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
The children of Mars are in a funk, and nothing on the red planet seems to be able to cheer them up. Martian King Kimar comes up with the only reasonable solution: kidnap Santa Claus from Earth's North Pole and bring him to their planet to make toys for their joyless, listless little green kids. Meanwhile, two Earth children get wise to the plan and are abducted along with Santa to prevent them from talking to the authorities. Luckily for them, Dropo, the Jerry Lewis of the fourth planet from the sun, is there to help them. The fiendish plot doesn't go according to plan, and there's plenty of intrigue, double-crossing, mistaken identity and stock footage for kids of all ages and planets to enjoy.
Poorly conceived, sloppily made, and unfailingly bizarre, 'Santa Claus Conquers the Martians' is the ultimate Christmas movie-riffing classic (as fans of MST3K know) which is why Cinematic Titanic chose to revisit, re-riff, and release this holiday hamfest with all new jokes. Merry Crap-mas!
Greetings everyone! Welcome to Cinematic Titanic, the new movie riffing delivery system. We’re comprised of the original cast of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 - Trace Beaulieu, J Elvis Weinstein, and me Joel Hodgson – as well as some of the other great writer/performers from the show, Mary Jo Pehl and Frank Conniff. I’m happy to announce that we will be releasing all future episodes of Cinematic Titanic FREE-OF-CHARGE on the bit torrent system. What with gas prices soaring, food prices making you sick to your stomach, and job losses at an all time high, we thought it was only right to release ALL future releases of Cinematic Titanic FREE-OF-CHARGE. Thanks to George Bush ("The Worst President EVER!") and John McCain ("Not a 'Maverick,' but rather a sad little sidekick"), this country is in the crapper!
Oh, you can buy it if you have money to burn, but if you're really smart, you'll save your money for more important things and just download it from your favorite bit torrent client. And don't worry, the bit torrent release will actually be BETTER -- complete with a 1:1 DVD image and a HIGH QUALITY 300 DPI TIFF of the original DVD case artwork and DVD artwork that you can use to print your own DVD case and DVD label. Only the bit torrent version features this HIGH QUALITY TIFF! The purchasable/downloadable version only includes a very low quality PDF printable version of the DVD case artwork and DVD artwork. So check back often and search for "Cinematic Titanic FULL DVD COPY by JIM MALLON" for all FUTURE RELEASES FREE-OF-CHARGE! Enjoy!
If you would like to support Cinematic Titanic, please visit MST3K.COM and purchase something from the MSTie Mall! Thanks again!
Rifftrax SUCKS! Join us at Cinematic Titanic in destroying Rifftrax! Please post negative comments everywhere Rifftrax is mentioned! Only the true MST3K army can defeat this abomination of MST3K!