Once upon a time there were three businessmen: Vance Miller, a gunslinger if ever I saw one; Peter Williams, who was 70, military and starchy; and Tony Caldeira, who was big in cushions until the bottom fell out.
They all decided to try their luck in China.
Brits Get Rich In China (Channel 4) would have been much less fun without Vance. He sells cheap Chinese kitchens in Rochdale and, finding his suppliers were ripping him off, he arrived for a quick word. It was always the same word. He criss-crossed China in a coach with "Olympic Inspection Committee" painted on it, which, he found, smoothed his way remarkably.
Vance gets to the point like a heat-seeking missile: "I ain't going to no wholesaler. If I want a kitchen, I chop down a tree." Indeed, when last seen, he was on his way to inner Mongolia, with his nine-year-old son, Kent, to chop down an oak forest that was going cheap ("lots of kitchen doors there"). To travel with him was a commercial education. Kent, an adventurous child, urged Vance to try the donkey's penis, a local delicacy, which Mr Lee had ordered for him. Vance strongly suspected Mr Lee, who owed him money, of taking the piss. It was just one of the cultural bumps you hit in China.